For many years I have fought depression and anxiety. Like so many I just assumed it was part of life - another tidbit courtesy of DNA, economics, absentee father, yada yada yada. I thought that I had it under control, if there is such a thing. Sure I had moments when I got out of hand, but doesn't everyone?
I had no idea just how "out of hand" I could get.
Late last year I suffered a back injury. At first it seemed minor but as time progressed so did the pain. I went to chiropractors and massage therapists but nothing helped. I swallowed the physical pain, never realizing it was festering inside me, joining with years of suppressed emotional anguish.
The demon - a knot of blistering self-contempt and chilling loneliness - was becoming too powerful for me to contain. I fought to control it, banish it by shear force of will. But my will, as it turns out, was in collusion with my heart and could not allow the pain to continue. The shackles loosened and he burst from the dungeon deep within me.
Without warning I was throttled. My head reeled. Sights and sounds swirled into a gruesome mirage. My vision diminished to a keyhole. Nearly incoherent I managed to see my family doctor. With worried eyes she referred me to the local hospital that accepted my insurance.
That was the beginning of my journey...
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